I had an exam today, for a professional certification. For this sort of event I like to overcompensate for my tendency to be late. Which is why I ended up in the bland waiting area of an office in Leeds, listening to some calming music.

An Ending (Ascent) by Brian Eno is a favourite of mine. It's a seemingly simple repetitive piece that's actually got more going on than first appears. It's been used as the soundtrack to many things, Jeremy Clarkson driving a v12 Aston Martin for one... but it's a wonderfully evocative piece of music. There's a sadness to it, but it also makes me think about moving forwards.... Maybe that's just the title.

As I listened an instagram notification popped up and after a few moments I was checking out the feed of someone who had liked one of my pictures; someone I didn't know who had one or two children and had posted some beautiful pictures of their child with their partner.

My childlessness hits me sometimes, but rarely with so much force. The combination of mild pre-exam stress, a less than brilliant night's sleep, the soundtrack, the beautiful pictures of a happy child with happy parents...

I tend to avoid spending time on Facebook, filled as it is with curated pictures of perfect family life. When something you want, others have, it's easy to project. I know full well social media is pretty much everyone's best side. I understand it isn't reality.

We all want to appear as if we have everything together, but we so rarely do and it was all I could manage not to be the middle aged weeping man in the corner of a room. Very awkward for those folk wandering through to get a drink from the water machine.

It's a sadness, an ache.... a grief for the life you thought you might have. It's unresolved and not something you talk about.

So my social media of choice is being snarky at idiots about politics on twitter. My wife complains it makes me grumpy, and she's right. Really though it's all a great distraction.

If you, reading this, have children and know people who don't... and you've never chatted to them about why not, a favour: please avoid moaning about family life. Please don't tell them how lucky they are not to be tied down by the commitment of children. Please don't assume they don't have children by choice.

The exam went well. I bet if we had kids revising would have been much harder.