This post is intended as a personal snapshot of where I'm at at the point I write it. I've no doubt things will change and move on. I certainly hope so, as I like to think things don't stay the same.
The only church I've ever considered myself part of would probably be described as evangelical. An Anglican church that didn't really fit the mould and attracted a very wide range of people. Some would be very much right wing, conservative evangelical in their politics and theology. Others far more liberal in their beliefs and possibly socialist in their politics. It was, as they say, a broad church and the leadership were generally good at treading a careful path through areas where not everyone would agree.
That started to change a few years ago when the leadership increasingly moved towards what I, probably unfairly, consider to be an American style of conservative evangelicalism. It's marked by a few characteristic beliefs such as: the Bible is the inerrant word of God, homosexuality is sinful, women shouldn't be leaders, those in leadership are specially ordained by God for that leadership and questioning is not taken particularly kindly. Most importantly there's a confidence and certainty that doesn't address grey areas of life, faith and theology. It's all about black and white, the right answer. This leadership would tell you that if you disagreed then you were wrong.
I was working for the church at this point and I was becoming increasingly concerned that I was fully behind an organisation that was starting to teach views I disagreed with. Eventually, before I really had to grapple with this, a catastrophic bit of decision making and HR incompetence meant I knew it was time to leave.
It's been a difficult, painful time. I've had to grieve for my church, for the ministry I believed I had but that others failed to recognise, for a huge part of my life that will never be the same. It's been hard.
What I've come to realise is that my faith, politics, personal prejudices and theology are not compatible with that preached by the leader of this church. I know that many of the views I hold will cause some I know to have grave concerns for me. There are others still who would say my views are against God and I cannot be a Christian.
I know that I have, in the past, held and repeated views that I now consider to be wrong. Many of us grow up, move on, and discover life is not black and white. The old certainties melt away and it becomes increasingly hard to see a path through the fog, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
So I repent of my past certainties. I declare that I am a Christian who loves Jesus and proclaims salvation through him by his death on a cross and his resurrection from the dead. In his name I seek to respect other people, to love them and to be their friend if they'll let me. I pray daily for guidance from the Holy Spirit, that I would please God and through my actions make him known.
There remain certainties in my life; some of those absolutes that I've learned along the way. But increasingly I regard those who speak with the confidence of completely certainty that everything they believe is absolutely right and that if you don't believe the same, you're wrong... well I increasingly regard their views with suspicion.
Everything I know about Jesus was attractive. People were attracted to him, wanted to engage with him and trust him. There are so many who speak in his name but with the opposite effect.
